Saturday , 15 June 2024

Some Priceless Employee Performance Evaluation Quips to Use Next Time

Here are 32 “actual” quotes taken from Australian Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluations. Don’t you just love the creative candor of the persons evaluating what were obviously ‘under performing’ employees? Share them at the office to lightened things up.

 The following absolutely hilarious evaluations are provided by Lorimer Wilson, editor of (Your Key to Making Money!).

Here are the 32 descriptive evaluations. Add your own in the Comment section below and they will be added to the list for posting at a later date. Now, get ready to laugh!

1) “Since my last evaluation this employee has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.”
2) “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3) “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”
4) “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
5) “When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
6) “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
7) “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
8) “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
9) “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
10) “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”
11) “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”
12) “A gross ignoramus…144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
13) “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier..”
14) “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
15) “He’s been working with glue too much.”
16) “He would argue with a signpost.”
17) “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
18) “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
19) “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
20) “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
21) “A prime candidate for natural de-selection..”
22) “Donated his brain to science before he was through using it.”
23) “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain’t coming.”
24) “He’s got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
25) “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
26) “If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
27) “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
28) “It’s hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm.”
29) “One neuron short of a synapse.”
30) “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
31) “Takes him 2 hours to watch ’60 minutes’.”
32) “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”
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